MÈRE Stories: Margaret Archer
My Postpartum Pain was not wasted.
Three days after our son was born, I was entering into a fourth consecutive hour of attempting to breastfeed him.
I was crying, he was crying and my husband lovingly said, “I think it is time we try a formula bottle.” I cried more. I was devastated. All I had learned prior to having my son was that there were two choices, breastfeeding or formula bottles, no in between, so the choice was heartbreaking.
After I curled into a ball, my husband gave our son a bottle which he sucked dry and promptly fell asleep.
Fast forward over the next few weeks, I attempted to breastfeed, bottle feed and pump in hopes of reaching my goal of breast feeding. I googled everything, tried everything and went everywhere for us to “find answers” and “fix it.” I lived in an endless cycle of feeding.
I felt myself wasting away physically and emotionally disconnecting from my son.
I would go through a cycle of hope and anguish thinking that he was full from nursing to him crying from hunger 5 minutes later. It felt so dark.
A few weeks later we proceeded with a tongue and lip tie release which we were vastly undereducated and underprepared for. I questioned everything and all that we had done. At a follow-up appointment with our lactation consultant, I was sharing with her how frustrated I was about going to all the things I felt that “I should be doing.” Trying to get him to the dentist, the chiropractor, and the pediatrician and lactation consultant felt like a list of tasks that was going to push me over the edge.
She told me something I’ll never forget that day.
She said, “Margaret, you are the mom your son needs, regardless of how you feed him. Everyone in the healthcare system works for you and for your son. You, and only you, get to make the decisions.”
As we are expecting baby number two, I have been reflecting on the lessons I learned in those early days and how I want to do things differently.
“I can look back now and see ways in which my pain in postpartum was not wasted then and will not be wasted in the future. I am more confident as a mother knowing that I am the mom that my baby needs. I have been able to share my story with many other women as they struggle through similar stories and to empower them. I am so proud to be part of a community women providers who want to be the safe place and the village for women navigating the challenges of life.”
—Margaret Archer